Bond Girl 101

A how-to guide on catching Jame Bond’s eye and surviving the experience.

1. Be a victim.
   That’s right, somehow you need a sob story. Whether it’s your lover ditched you, your parents were murdered or simply you have mysterious past but the vulnerability just oozes from your eyes – you need to be a victim.
2. Now decide whether you want to be a damsel in distress or on a revenge kick.
   Me personally, I advise the revenge. It seems to put James off balance a little and you get a far more entertaining dialog. Plus, then you’re far more likely to be able to do more than just scream and duck. Besides, sometimes James needs to be rescued too.
3. Know the drink you like and be able to drink a lot of it.
   I mean c’mon the man is far more likely to have a martini in his hand than a coke. So step up and drink him under the table. It worked with Indiana Jones.
4. Speak another language.
   Or at least have an accent.
5. Play hard to get.
   Actually just be hard to get. You do not want to be another floozy in his little black notebook. This is a man who truly loves a challenge.
6. Demand him to be tested.
   When a man has slept with as many women as our dear Mr. Bond has, a girl has got to be careful. Besides can you imagine the look on M’s face when she sees that on the expense account?
7. Be a specialist in something.
   I will give the man this he does have a good habit of picking women with brains as well as really great bodies. Not always, but often enough. Plus you never know when being a good shot or able to hack a network will save your afore mentioned cute butt.
8. Be able to win a cat fight.
   For some reasons the bad girls always want Bond too. Be ready to kick their asses. Yes, playing dirty is allowed.
9. Be able to wear a bikini, a really sexy dress and half destroyed clothing with ease and confidence.
   And then try not to hate James too much when he pulls off looking completely drool-worthy in all situations without trying. Or just put a dye in his shampoo so his hair turns purple, I’m sure Q will help you with this.
10. If James falls madly in love with you say, “Thanks babe, but let’s just be exclusive friends with benefits.”
    Someone once told me that death tends to be considered unhealthy and permanent. And let’s face it, the women whom James truly loves have a bad habit of dying. Also can you imagine his reaction?

So there you go 10 quick ways to become a Bond girl and live to gossip about it.